The Waiting Werners

It is going to be awhile

2010-01-25T06:36:00.001-08:00

So it's been awhile since I updated this...

Unfortunately, there is no good news. Originally we thought we'd be home with a baby sometime this year but now the projected wait is another year. We are, uh, frustrated and disheartened to say the least. We were told things change in international adoption, expect the unexpected...but still, it's been really hard to cope with this news.

So now we are just hoping that this actually does happen! That things keep moving in Ethiopia, that agencies are completing ethical adoptions, and that there is a child out there waiting for us.

Anyway, that is that. We'd appreciate thoughts and prayers. It is obviously a little more difficult than we thought it would be.

In the meantime, however, we've been busy. We were in Paris for Christmas with the Werner family and had a great time! I am leaving for a week in Colombia next month for VLM work and Mike will be traveling to the Pacific Northwest to visit friends and family. So...it is good for us to be busy. It takes our minds off this crazy process.

If you are still following this thanks for hanging in there with us!

2009-10-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

7 months of waiting! No news! It's still just us!

The waiting is hard, as you can imagine. We have tons of things to do to prepare for the baby, but it seems we have so much time that neither of us has been motivated to do them.

We have lots to do in the meantime...a trip to Paris for Christmas, finishing my PhD, possibly going back to Ethiopia next year with VLM...things we probably wouldn't be doing if we had the baby, but still!

Thanks for your thoughts and well-wishes!

You know it's going to be a long wait when...

2009-09-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

You cry while watching The Biggest Loser. It was very touching...right...?
You dream about babies, about far away countries, about the day when you get "the call"
You spend your free time reading about other people's adoption experiences on their blogs...and you kind of feel like you know them a little.
You read other adoption blogs and cry again (this time out of joy) when other people get referrals for their children.
You can't even drive by Babies R Us. Some days it is just too much.

That's my story. This is Jess, btw, not Mike. Mike will have you know that he certainly did NOT cry at the Biggest Loser. And I don't think he is obsessed with the blogs like I am. But I'm pretty sure he does have the aversion to Babies R Us. We had one overwhelming experience in the diaper aisle and I don't think he'll be going back anytime soon.

6 months down...somewhere between 12 and 14 to go... Inshallah.

Fall is here!

2009-09-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

Hi! Yes, it has been awhile :)

We haven't blogged much lately because we don't have any news, unfortunately. It actually looks like our wait will be a lot longer than we originally expected, definitely at least 18 months- probably longer. We are about 6 months into the wait. Just trying to be patient...

People ask all the time "Why does it take so long?" and "Why will it be so much longer?" and we've come to the realization that we really don't know. There are a few things we do know:

A) There are many more adoption agencies working in Ethiopia than there were even a year ago. Since adoption in Ethiopia is relatively new, the system is trying to work out the kinks...but with all the new agencies and new demand they have been slow to accommodate everyone. This is our understanding of what might be causing the hold up.

B) Our agency has a long wait- longer than some. Some days we think about switching because some of the newer agencies have a much shorter wait time. However, the trade off is that some of these agencies are newer, and not as established. Our agency has a long wait time because there are many people using it who trust the agency just like we do. The agency's history in Ethiopia and history of ethical practice are two big reasons we chose it among all the options we had. Not to say any other agency isn't as ethical, but working in an established agency with a history of strong ethics was something that was important to us. International adoption can have some sticky issues, and we are comfortable knowing that are agency has the best interests of the children and the people of Ethiopia in mind. We did a lot of research before choosing an agency. But some days we get frustrated with the long wait!

It seems illogical- there are millions of orphans in Ethiopia so why can't all the people waiting just adopt these children already? And that is true, but I know all of us waiting parents want to make sure all the adoptions that take place follow the rules. So I guess if it takes a little longer to do that, it is ok.

So...that is what is new with our wait time.

In the meantime we are trying to enjoy the time we have together! We are just doing the normal- working, studying, traveling when we can, reminiscing about our fabulous trip to Ethiopia in May...

Here are some more pics from the trip. These were taken by Leah. Feel free to click on the shutterly link below (last entry) to see more pictures!

Ethiopia!!!

2009-07-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

We have been slacking on our blog but we have a good excuse- we got back from 3 weeks in Ethiopia! It was a fantastic trip! Mike had a great time, loved the country, and it was so wonderful to experience Ethiopia together.

We didn't have much time in Addis either on the way in or out. We did manage to find a couple of hours the day we left to go try to find the CHSFS care center. We didn't have an address (this is Ethiopia, the land of PO Boxes) but we knew the area it was in, so we hired a very nice and patient taxi driver to help us find the office. We had to stop on the side of the road about 5 times asking for directions, but eventually we found the care center. We did not go inside but we got to see what it looked like, where it was located, etc. We felt really good about it after we saw it. We didn't go in because it was Saturday, the day new families meet their babies for the first time. As you can imagine, this is a really personal time for them and we didn't want to be getting a tour in the midst of things. We decided it was best to at least see the facility and where it is located.

The care center is in a part of Addis where there are lots of embassys and development agencies. It is basically a 'suburb' and much quieter than where we stay in the center of the city when we are in transit. That being said, there is something special about being in the middle of the action in the capital city- although when we go to pick up our child I think we will be thankful for a peaceful and quiet setting.

We are now three months into our wait for our referral. We are expecting between 9 and 12 more. The wait times have been fluctuating. We are hoping for a summer referral and then hopefully traveling next fall, however, it is very possible everything could take longer than expected. So we are trying not to get too attached to a certain date or time; just to go with the flow.

Here is a link to an album we made on shutterfly. Enjoy the pictures!

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8IatmLZy4cMXw&emid=sharview&linkid=link5&cid=EMsharview

1 month down...

2009-05-02T19:31:00.001-07:00

How many to go? That is the big question! The wait is still estimated at 12-18 months.

Mike and I leave in two weeks for Ethiopia. I can't believe this trip is already here! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers while we are abroad. :)

We are on the waiting list!

2009-04-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

After 5 months of paperwork, social workers, classes, and general confusion, we are finally on the waiting list at our agency. We were shooting for May so being waitlisted a month early is great. Unfortunately, the wait has increased from 12-18 months. So we are going to be making up for this time later.

At least now we don't have to worry about frantically tracking down notaries and harrassing friends to send us letters. Now we just wait.

I spend some of my "free" time reading other adoption blogs. It is so nice to read about other people who have been through the same process. The process is hard. I think the waiting will be even harder, but now we can try to focus on other fun stuff and getting ourselves ready to be parents. We have a lot to learn!

One nice thing about our agency is that all waiting parents are invited every month to meet up and chat about the wait. I hope we'll be able to go often. I am looking forward to meeting more people who are in the same place as we are, and making some new friends as well.

In other happy news, two of our good friends had babies in the last few weeks. Thomas and Ginger welcomed Jacob and Stacy and Brian welcomed Ava. Also, a few other friends are pregnant and due this summer. It is fun to experience that process with our friends, and share in their excitement as they meet their little ones for the first time. Our child will definitely have a baby play group when he/she arrives! We can't wait!

Thanks for all the love, prayers, and support. Exciting times ahead...fingers crossed for 2010.

Summer plans!

2009-03-17T18:05:00.000-07:00

Good news! We will be going to Ethiopia this summer! The trip is not adoption-related at all, but we are thrilled to be able to go. We'll be gone from May 15-June 7th.

I (Jess) have spent two summers working in Ethiopia on a trip organized by the Daughters of Charity. Sister Mary Beth, the coordinator, and I had a connection back when I lived in Jackson, Mississippi. When I found out she was taking people to Ethiopia to teach English I knew I had a find a way to be a part of that trip. It all worked out and I ended up going back a second time last summer as the group's coordinator. My love of Ethiopia started during my first visit!

In 2004, this program was launched in one site in Ethiopia- Bahir Dar. Sister Mary Beth and three "lay" teachers traveled and taught English for the summer. The program has expanded to include another site in Jimma, Ethiopia, and also two in Kenya. Last year 12 teachers traveled as a part of the program. It is really exciting to see how much it has developed in the last 5 years.

The program in Bahir Dar has changed. It has evolved from teaching English classes to working with the teachers to provide professional development and training. That is what we'll be doing this summer. It will be me, Mike, Gina (went in the original group in 2004, but Gina and I also go back to Jackson where we both did ACE) and Leah (went with me last year). We are going to spend 3 weeks working with the teachers at the school in Bahir Dar. I am very excited about what we will be doing!

Mike is the newbie in the group but we think he will do great :). He can't wait to see the country he has heard to much about, and to meet the teachers, students, and Sisters living in Bahir Dar. And...we are putting him to work. Hopefully we can get a lot accomplished during our short stay! We also hope to travel to see the orphanage in Addis where our son or daughter will be.

Anyway, that is our fun update! It's been in the works for awhile but we have tickets and visas now so we are ready to roll. We all have a ton of work to do before then but May will be here before we know it.

Bureaucracy

2009-03-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

We are still collecting dossier paperwork. Uggh! Basically we have to prove (multiple ways) that we aren't criminals, that we are employed, and that we are mentally stable. So we need many people to vouch for us, which is a pain for everyone. This wouldn't be bothering me so much, but we have ALREADY collected tons of paperwork for our original application. However, none of that paperwork could be used for this dossier. Anyway, the is only the beginning of adoption bureaucracy so it is time to let it go and get over it. Oh did I mention that all of these documents will have to be notarized after we get them?
When we finish this part we can submit it to Ethiopia and move onto the waiting list. That will be a good day!

Getting closer to...the real wait

2009-02-26T15:02:00.000-08:00

We have officially finished our homestudy! I think this means we "passed" so that is exciting. Our social worker came over to our house and Tana was not on her best behavior- luckily she wasn't judging us by how our dog acts!

Lots of people are wondering what this homestudy process was like and it really wasn't bad at all. Before we were assigned to a social worker we had to answer 20 questions about our lives, how we would parent, trans-cultural issues, etc. Basically we each submitted a 10 page paper. It sounds tedious but it was actually kind of fun to write something that wasn't for school! I told her I was excited to be able to write and not have to cite authors along the way. This is the life of a grad student... :)

So she already knew a lot about us before we officially started. We basically went through our answers to the questions and she would give us scenarios and ask how we would respond. A lot about culture, bi-racial parenting....mostly to get us to think. We didn't always have answers to how we would deal with things, but the point seemed to get us talking and thinking about how we would handle situations in the future. It was honestly a good activity. I think all new parents could benefit from talking about some of these issues.

So now we have more paperwork that gets submitted directly to Ethiopia. They need to give the go-ahead and then we will officially be waiting. With every little step we complete we get closer and closer...to the REAL wait.

We will keep you updated! In the meantime, Mike will be posting some information about Ethiopian history. He has been reading non-stop. When we were in the DR in December I was on the beach with my fluffy novels and he read Ethiopian history books! He has a much better handle on it than I do and I've been to the country twice...sad, I know.

Thanks for sending so many positive vibes our way!

Be mine!

2009-02-15T15:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day & President's Day weekend!

Our weekend started off well! We met with our social worker on Friday for the first part of our homestudy. We met at the agency and spent 3 hours talking about ourselves...mostly answering questions about our own upbringings, our marriage, our reasons for adopting. Fun stuff like that. Actually, it wasn't bad at all. In a few weeks, she will come to our house for round 2.

She did give us our immigration packet and we have another list of documents we have to gather. Also, she let us know that there haven't been as many referrals lately for Ethiopian babies as there have been in the past few months. Translation: our wait time may be a few months longer than anticipated. So now 12 months +. This is not the greatest news, however, we are glad to know it up front. Things could change so we'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks for all of your emails letting us know you are able to see the blog! We are excited to share this with everyone! We've been told it is hard to post a reply...if we figure it out we will pass it on.

Adoption FAQs

2009-02-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

Here are the answers to some questions we get about adoption:

Q: Will you get a boy or a girl? How old will the child be?

A: We are applying to adopt an infant, so 0-12 months old. We don't know the gender...I'm glad we didn't have to pick! I don't know which we would have chosen!

Q: Will you go to Ethiopia to pick up the child?

A: Yes! We are planning to travel as soon as we get the call that it is time to meet our child. The orphanage is in Addis Ababa and we will spend about a week in the country before coming home.

Q: Do you want to have your "own" kids one day?

A: We aren't sure yet if we will have biological children one day. We aren't ruling anything out! We always planned to adopt so this was the right choice for us right now. The child we adopt will indeed be our own child. We are going to love this child regardless of our biological connection.

Q: How much does it cost?

A: This is a question we get a lot. It feels disloyal to the child to give an answer. If you really want to know you can look it up using "the Google". I think people forget that it costs money to have a biological child as well- doctors fees, hospital visit, etc.

Q: Will the child be healthy?

A: Well, we hope so! We are hoping for a healthy, happy baby, just like anyone having a biological child. Since many people are wondering, the baby will not be HIV positive. Since the baby will be coming from Ethiopia there are some things we know are possibilities- malnutrition, etc. The other stuff...who knows! We will deal with medical issues as the arise, just like anyone with children does.

Q: When will you get your referral?

A: We have no idea. The waiting time right now is at least a year. That means if we are approved in Ethiopia this May it is likely we are looking at May 2010, at the earliest. We still have several steps to cover before we even make it 'on the list'. No, there is no way we can speed it up. No, there is no way that if we travel to Ethiopia before next May we can leave with our child. That just isn't how things work. Luckily, there is a pretty rigid system in place that ensures that people don't just come and take kids. It sounds funny but it has been a big problem in some countries that used to adopt internationally. We wish we didn't have to wait so long, but we understand that the process works this way for a reason.

Q: Why Ethiopia?

Actually, almost everyone in our lives knows the answer to this already. We both have a strong connection to the country. We did consider some other options, but Ethiopia was always the logical choice for us.

Q: Are you both going to finish your Ph.Ds? How will you do that with a baby?

A: We hope to finish! That is the plan! I guess we will figure it out as we go along! We aren't sure yet what this means for us but we know starting the adoption process now was the right choice. We know there was never going to be a perfect time to do all this. We are just hoping for support as we try to figure it all out in the next couple of years!

Q: Will you keep the child's Ethiopian name?

A: We aren't sure yet. We are having fun thinking of names we like. Some people say that they wait to meet the child before they decide on a name. Maybe that will be the case, maybe we will decide beforehand...not sure! If we do give the child an "American" name we will definitely keep the Ethiopian name as the middle name. We always want our child to feel connected to his/her culture.

We are now "bloggers"!

2009-02-05T19:38:00.000-08:00

Lake Tana, Ethiopia

Thanks for looking at our blog! You know that we aren't the most tech-savvy people, :) but we wanted to have a blog so we can keep everyone posted on our progress.

Here is what is happening:

Right now we are about to enter the "homestudy" stage of our adoption. That means we meet with a social worker 2-3 times to be evaluated and judged! Just kidding...kind of. Our social worker really serves as our advocate through the remainder of the process. She sounded very nice on the phone and we can't wait to meet her! Hopefully she likes us, and our crazy dog.

After the homestudy, we file paperwork with Immigration (we are expecting that to be complicated, no surprise there) and then prepare a dossier for Ethiopia.

We will keep everyone updated as our timeline changes. Right now, the expected wait time for Ethiopia is at least 1 year. So that will be at least a year from when we are approved on the Ethiopia side...who knows, it can be quicker or longer. Obviously we are hoping for quick but we know we will meet our child when we are meant to. This is what everyone needs to remind us of when we are waiting and feeling frustrated and impatient!

Thanks for all of your love and support! It means so much to us!